My Fellow Southerners

My Fellow Southerners,

The South finds ourselves held hostage by an emotional cult of believers claiming to be atheists. They have descended on our town with torches and web cameras. They are here to purge themselves and our town of evil. Yesterday, they decided it must exist inside a statue. They tied a rope around its neck in Durham and pulled it over in broad daylight. They were howling at traffic with bats for attention and virtue. These werewolves of the daylight used to be our children. These children have turned our town into an island of lordless flies. They have come for another lamb for their fire. We must not feed it.

This cult believes in a queen they call anti-hate. They regard our first amendment as a threat to their collective. We are mutant bees unwilling to gather their pollen. They believe in an imaginary line where half the country took up arms against the other. They licked this history from the crevice of a fortune cookie. We must persist with our history set deep in iron and stone. These people will need it should their eyes ever awaken.

We must understand this sickness to defeat it. It is a psychological apparition they have projected into our courtyard. This is cultural terrorism with jackboots and billy clubs. To take down our past in the cover of night is surrender to shame. Shall we appease this cult impeccably? Let us muster outside and ring dark bells while chanting “shame” at the very material. To cleanse it properly in fire, we must smelt our own dignity for a chance to see molten racism spill to our feet like some evil lava. We will tear into all of the hollow pieces so that every bigoted molecule can be sanitized in our angry torchlight. Will we grin then in the satisfaction? How long till this invading swarm comes back for more?

Do stand up now gentlemen. Take a look with me out this window. These darting coyotes are insatiable. The flaming cross they plant in our yard is a scarlet letter. We reduce ourselves by wearing it. Today is the day to find the spine. You will not like these people any better down on your belly. We must not lose ourselves to groveling for forgiveness from a horde of social terrorists. I enlist us all to speak out and show this cult that our genitals are more than a thought experiment.